How many of those same men would open the door to help her carry her sleeping child out of the Church? Carry a 50 lb. bag of dog food to her car for her? Even more rare, how many men would do it without leering at her?
I want to share with you a bit of what brought me to where I am on my modesty journey. I will likely share many of these stories over time but the first I want to share had a profound impact on me and I can't help but wonder if my "unscientific research" may adjust your opinions as well.
Your view of modesty changes when you become a mother, particularly the mother of a boy. Your eyes are opened to a whole host of offenses to modesty that were previously called at best "fashion" and at worst "well, *I* don't dress like a lady of the night so....".
My son started noticing girls as soon as his vision cleared enough to be able to see that far. At around 4-5 months he would smile back at women who smiled at him but generally not at men. By the time he was 2 he would only go down the slide if there was a pretty teenage girl at the bottom to catch him.
A few summers ago we went camping as a family. He was just turning 9 at the time. In the middle of the night he goes to the restroom with his father and is waiting patiently outside. My husband comes out of the building to find him chatting with two 18 year old girls. He ends the conversation and they start walking back toward our tent. My husband asks him "So, why were you talking to those girls?"
His response? "Oh, it's just a little hobby I have."
SAY WHAT?!?!?!?!?! We're still laughing about that one.
Boys notice and they notice W-A-Y earlier than we would like to think. I will give my son immense credit, he is very good about custody of the eyes but oh my word are we in for it in a few more years. He is his mama....heaven help us.
The thing about having boys is they have little boy friends and, well, you end up noticing how those little boy friends treat you very quickly. I could say it's how they are raised but all of these friends have treated me the same despite coming from vastly different backgrounds.
If I wear a shirt that shows even a hint of cleavage I cannot hold their attention. I don't care if I'm waving a platter of Twinkies and pizza rolls. They are NOT paying attention. Actually, that's not true, they ARE paying attention, but not to what I want them to be watching. I cannot get them to look me in the eye. I cannot get them to take ANYTHING I say seriously. They go from fighting the urge to "look" to looking at the floor to looking at my chest to looking at the ceiling.
I've found this phenomenon begins around age 10, sometimes even younger.
Now, here's the amazing part.
SAME BOYS. The only difference is I wear a modest shirt that is within 2" of my collarbone.
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| Photo courtesy of AJ Rumina - my favorite store for women like me who are well-endowed. |
They pay attention! They even offer to *gasp* HELP!. These same boys who were turning purple before are now grappling to help. They hold the door open for me. They hold each other accountable if they are getting loud. Their speech changes (no swearing and more respect). They carry piles of stuff to/from my car without blinking an eye. They are a completely different group of human beings due to three inches of fabric!
I have watched this phenomenon over and over for 5 years now with a wide variety of boys in varying environments. The effect is always the same. 3 inches of fabric not only helps them keep custody of their eyes, but it helps them rise to the occasion of being gentlemen instead of just "boys".
Make the effort. Bring out the best in those around you, especially those who are just barely trying to figure out their hormones. Cover it up ladies.
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